A Crow's Life

Ze Conclusion

2010-10-12T08:34:00.000-07:00

With the Master Pumpkin returned to his kingdom and Colonel Stalk vanquished, everything had returned to normal for our heroes, as they resumed their peaceful lives just in time for Halloween ... and their original goal in the forbidden forest...

Wasn't it nice of the Master Pumpkin to find us a Jack O' Lantern?

After all the trouble we went through to help defeat Colonel Stalk, I suppose it was a fitting gesture...

...even it it is a little lopsided with that one eye.

The End.

2010-10-07T08:26:00.000-07:00

That's not true, Master! Colonel Stalk has only siphoned off the bad ones and made them do his bidding!

The voice piped up from a nearby pumpkin -- none other than the ghost pumpkin from the forest!

He's made us obey him -- without you here, we didn't have a choice.

Silence, you moldy turnip! screamed Colonel Stalk.

The Master Pumpkin rumbled as he listened to the roar of the pumpkin patch.

I think he's telling the truth, sir. In case you really want to know.

The Master Pumpkin spoke again in his rumbling voice.

You've forced me to act, Colonel Stalk -- and now, you'll feel the force of this forest's magic.
As he drew on his sorcerer's hat and waved a wand --

POP!

As the crows and pumpkins cheered aloud!

The Showdown

2010-10-04T08:23:00.000-07:00

Colonel Stalk? repeated the Great Pumpkin. He cast his eye in the direction of the sneering cornstalk.

That's what he called himself. He said he was the leader of the pumpkins ...

I am the leader of the pumpkins. No one has authority over the forest patch but me.

Oh, yeah? Then why have you disappeared for so long and left it open for ME to take over? The patch has called ME leader for ages!

A Special Bulletin from Our Feline Friends

2010-09-28T08:20:00.000-07:00

2010-09-22T08:12:00.000-07:00

What have we here in my forest? The voice was deep and rumbling in the still forest. Two large hollow eyes surveyed the crows with solemn wisdom.

All hail the Master Pumpkin!!!! The pumpkin chorus intoned with more enthusiasm than usual.
Please, sir, we're not here to do any harm -- we only wanted a Jack o' Lantern, but we encounter the one-eyed pumpkin and Colonel Stalk --

One-Eyed Jack is one of my subjects. And therefore, protected by law of the forest.

But what of Colonel Stalk? asked Bertie.

We'll Return to Our Regularly Scheduled Post Momentarily...

2010-09-17T08:18:00.000-07:00

2010-09-10T08:08:00.000-07:00

As the evil Colonel Stalk prepared to annhilate our heroes, a strange event began unfolding in the pumpkin patch...

With a hush, the pumpkins drew back suddenly.

Hey, wait a second -- where do you think you're going?

The pumpkins paid their master no heed. The patch rearranged itself as a massive pumpkin tumbled down from the forest hill, into the midst of the patch!

With a shiver, the pumpkin's orange hull rearranged itself to expose large eyes, a nose and a mouth -- the Master Pumpkin was among them!

2010-09-07T08:04:00.000-07:00

The angry cornstalk glared at the crows. Surrounded by pumpkins, he looked intimidating -- and downright nasty.

Not until you let us go --

Not happening! You may have dispatched my ghosts and my best henchman, but I'll show you who's in charge here!

As the corn stalk waved a leaf hand in their direction, the crows prepared for certain destruction.

Until a strange silence fell over the pumpkin patch....

2010-09-02T07:58:00.000-07:00

As the trio crept back to the pumpkin patch, in disguise as the ghost beneath a bedsheet, they were spotted by a pumpkin sentry...

Hey, Jack! Somebody's sneakin' into the patch!

Before sneering Jack could move, Gussie burst from beneath the sheet -- in a football helmet!
Without pausing, he scooped up One-Eyed Jack and tucked him underneath his arm! The pumpkin chorus actually cheered with enthusiasm at the sight!

Hey, you! Let go of me!

Go for the goal, Gussie! The crows cheered him on as he ran towards the deep forest.

Stop that, you fools! I'm in chage here and I demand you put him down!

Another Shameless Delay in the Story ...

2010-08-31T07:57:00.000-07:00

Bertie's Big Plan

2010-08-25T07:48:00.000-07:00

As the White Howler descended upon our heroes in the forest, they responded quickly ... by running!

Keep it up, Gussie -- if we fall, Bertie will never have his chance! Reggie gasped aloud.

As the ghost moved swiftly over the ground, Bertie made a flying leap and snagged the ghost's bedsheet.

Gotcha!

With a shriek of fright, a Jack o' Lantern tumbled from beneath and leaped away into the forest.

The Ghost of Halloween Past? suggested Gussie. Bertie fumbled with the sheet.

Now's not the time, boys -- not if we're going to snag a Jack o' Lantern in time for Halloween!

Right. Bertie, let's all get under that sheet and sneak back to the patch. As for Gussie here, I think it's time he returned to his old football days in high school...we've got a little surprise for the pumpkins.

We Interrupt, Yet Again ....

2010-08-20T07:45:00.000-07:00

2010-08-17T07:40:00.000-07:00

Once the heroes encounter the leader of the pumpkin gang, they were shocked to see a giant stalk of corn instead of the legendary Master Pumpkin. Before a crowd of shivering pumpkins, they were sentenced to face the Ghost of the Forest!

Fleeing the scene swiftly, Bertie, Reggie, and Gussie didn't even have time to survey the Jack o' Lanterns around them for Halloween decoration potential, since the Ghost of the Forest was hot on their heels.

Wait a minute! What are we doing?

Bertie's breathles exclaimation was accompanied by the "shush" of his several companions as they ducked behind bushes.

What do you mean "doing"? We're running from a scary ghost ordered to dispatch us on behalf of a giant corn stalk! Reggie hissed.

But there's no way we can outrun it, boys -- our only chance is to outwit it.

Outwit a ghost?

Why not? I have a plan, boys...

With that, Bertie lowered his voice to a whisper. As the others listened, comprehension dawned on their faces.

What's Bertie's brilliant plan? Tune in Next Time to find out!

2010-08-11T07:35:00.000-07:00

Who are you? Before Bertie could stop himself, the words popped out.

The corn stalk -- if such a thing is possible -- leered at him with broken kernel teeth exposed through its hull.

I'm the master of the pumpkins, sonny boy. If anybody's got business with them, they's got it with me.

All hail Colonel Stalk!! droned the pumpkins.

Too shocked to respond, the crows stared at the giant corn stalk towering above them.

Shall I feed 'em to the wolves, boss? Asked One-Eyed Jack with a sneer.

I think we should let the White Howler take care of 'em!

As the corn stalk laughed with a high, evil cackle, a form took shape in the mist...the unmistakable form of a ghost!

2010-08-05T07:32:00.000-07:00

When we last encountered our heroes, one of them demanded an audience with the pumpkin's leader from a vicious thug known as One-Eyed Jack.

Good going, Reg -- now we'll be facing off with the Master Pumpkin himself. You heard what the owl said --

Gussie's remarks were cut short, however, by the pumpkins. Who parted in a sea of orange hull and green leaves to reveal.....

A Corn Stalk.

This Just In from Our Foreign Correspondents ...

2010-08-02T07:22:00.000-07:00

2010-07-27T07:25:00.000-07:00

Hail ye, One-Eyed Jack!

The droning pumpkin chorus was directed at the newcomer. Who fixed his good carved eye on the unfortunate trio of crows.

Well, well, well. Invaders in the Master's forest. We'll have to make them welcome, won't we, boys?

Look here, you deformed turnip lump -- we demand to see your leader or else!!!

Yes, folks, Reggie was wearing the wrong hat, but he did speak the right words -- a shudder passed through the crowd of pumpkins at this suggestion. Even One-Eyed Jack received this request with a grim reflection, before chortling.

All right, then. I'll take you to him.

2010-07-23T07:14:00.000-07:00

Well, what have we here? Pumpkin hunters?

The pumpkins gathered around the crows, a pack of ghoulish, grinning Jack o' Lanterns!

Um, we're just on a nature hike ... in search of pumpkins.

Yeah, well, beat it if you know what's good for you.

You face them, Reggie. This is your area of expertise.

Trust us -- you should leave this place immediately! The pumpkin urging them didn't look menacing, so much as frightened. Hurry, before it's too late!

Before the boys could react, as if on command, the pumpkins parted with a murmur to let another take center stage. A gruesome pumpkin, whose carved features were mutilated....

We Return to Our Regularly Scheduled Story ...

2010-07-20T07:11:00.000-07:00

When we last encounter our heroes, they were off to the forbidden forest, in search of the world's only unpicked pumpkin patch and a prize Jack o' Lantern.

Despite high spirits and song-singing, however, they couldn't help but notice the forest seemed dark and...well, forbidding. As the trees closed over them in a tight canopy --

-- the first signs of evil emerged from the shadows!

News Flash!! Ancient Video Archives Uncovered!

2010-07-15T07:07:00.000-07:00

2010-07-13T06:59:00.000-07:00

Wrong story, Reg. Pirates were last month.

Really? Oops, sorry about that.

Forewarned by the Wise Old Owl that the forest was haunted by evil forces, the trio was pressured to give up their quest to find a Jack o' Lantern in the only unpicked pumpkin patch in the country ...

Well, I suppose this means we're going home empty-handed, Gussie complained. If we only had a Jack O' Lantern...

Never fear, boys! We're not giving up just because of a so-called menacing pumpkin -- it's onward ho to the Jack o' Lantern patch!

The Creepy Old Forest

2010-07-08T06:52:00.000-07:00

But it's just a forest ... okay, maybe it's a little creepy, all that fog and those tree branches like pointy claws ... but that's not enough to scare us away.

Maybe not, but this is.

Without further delay, the Wise Old Owl hauled out a massive dusty Book o' Knowledge from within the sycamore tree's hollow trunk.

You carry that around with you wherever you go? Gussie was tremendously impressed.

Young man, this happens to be my home -- I most certainly do NOT haul this around like an idiot!

With that, the Owl flipped open the book and pointed with feathered finger to one of its pages.

"The Master Pumpkin?" read aloud Reggie.

Indeed. The most dangerous, most powerful figure in all the forest. The Wise Old Owl bowed his head.

You mean a giant Jack o' Lantern is lying in wait just beyond those trees?

No one has seen or spoken to the Master Pumpkin. But they say the forest is haunted by his minions, gathered in the pumpkin patch hidden in the forest.

No wonder this place still has all its pumpkins, Bertie complained.

Never fear! declared Reggie. Master Pumpkin or no, we're going in to get our pumpkin!

2010-07-05T06:45:00.000-07:00

Excuse me, young lads -- just where do you think you're going?

Our heroes departure is interrupted suddenly by the presence of a large owl in a nearby sycamore tree.

We're off to the pumpkin farm--although I can't see why you care.

I care because I am the Great Wise Old Owl of the Forest ... not that you recognize me, of course.

You're the Wise Old Owl? I always thought that was a story somebody made up.

Well, it's not. And I'll thank you to show some respect to your elders next time they trouble themselves to give you a Dire Warning before you do Something Stupid.

You, my friends, were about to enter the most dangerous part of the woods ... and encounter its most dangerous inhabitant -- without warning!

We Interrupt this Story ...

2010-07-01T06:44:00.000-07:00

In Search of Pumpkins...

2010-06-28T06:32:00.000-07:00

And so it begins... our intrepid heroes, Reggie, Bertie, and Gussie have discovered that, due to a tragic mistake, virtually every pumpkin farm in the country is sold out ... leaving them stranded without a Jack o' Lantern for Halloween!

Maybe we could reuse last year's? Isn't it out in the garage still?

I don't think so ... It's looking pretty moldy.

No scraping it clean again, I suppose. But there has to be something available, somewhere.

And so, our heroes set out in search of an answer, scouring the countryside past closed signs and farms picked clean of produce, until ...

Wait a minute! There's one!

Do you mean it? A pumpkin farm that's not sold out yet?

Bertie pointed to the rather dilapidated sign, tangled with weeds and too-tall grass.
They're not exactly overwhelming the public with advertising ... perhaps that's why they're not closed.

Comforting themselves with that notion, our heroes set off for the pumpkin farm ... and into the arms of sinister doom!!!!!!!

2010-06-24T06:28:00.000-07:00

Disastrous news! Call the newspaper, the fire department, and possibly the mayor!

What on earth is it?

There's not a pumpkin left anywhere! And it's three days until Halloween -- and no Jack o' Lantern for the Crow's Nest!

There's got to be something left, they can't all be sold out.

Well, they are...it's a disaster!!!

Sold Out

2010-06-21T06:24:00.000-07:00

NOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Tune in this Week for ...

2010-05-12T11:27:00.000-07:00

Greetings, boys and girls, readers of all ages! This is one of my favorites (and I hope one of yours, too). A classic Feline Frenzy from our Friend Felix ... a lot of alliteration about cats, compared to a Cool Cacophany of Crows, so I hope you appreciate my efforts to enlighten you with cultural entertainment.

Felix Strikes Again!

2010-05-05T11:30:00.000-07:00

Yes, yes, folks -- and with sound, too!

The Sand Pirates -- Conclusion

2010-04-26T11:35:00.000-07:00

With the Pirates vanquished forevermore from the shores of Polly Island, Polly Parrot's Secret Map led the way to the secret hiding place ...

and the Lost Treasures of Long Ago were unearthed ...

our heroes took time to celebrate their grand victory in style on the shores of Polly Island.

To an accordian medley played by Gussie ...

... and the shadow of the Best Sandcastle ever built on the island's shores.

The Sand Pirates Part Nine

2010-04-20T11:32:00.000-07:00

As the Pirates fled Polly Island following Bertie's stunning defeat of their captain, our Heroes manned their stations --

"Watch out, me mateys, or they'll roust their crew and come after us!"

And Captain Reggie wasn't mistaken -- the Pirates flag waved strong just off the shores of Polly Island, cannons aimed squarely at our Heroes!

"They'll hold us captive here, sink our ship unless --"

"Ahem," said Polly Parrot. "If you'll just step aside for a moment, I think I can demonstrate to the Pirates that it would be best not to return."

With that, he struck a match and --

BOOM!

The Pirate ship fled to sea, pursued by a flaming cannonball!

YIPPEE!

Success at last! Tune in next time for our Final Chapter in ... THE SAND PIRATES!

A Very Special Message from Reggie...

2010-04-15T11:25:00.000-07:00

Hallo, all! Yes, it's me again, with an annoyingly cute video -- this one's worth the interruption, I promise!

The Sand Pirates Part Eight

2010-04-13T11:30:00.000-07:00

When we last met our intrepid heroes, a large Pirate Ship had landed on the shores of Polly Island, depositing Three Fierce Pirates to challenge our heroes.

"We've come for our treasure, ye scurvy dogs!" The Pirate Captain stepped fourth, waving a sword. "And be it known now, no feathered scallywags will hold us at bay!"

"Prepare to face a fate worse than death, then!" Captain Reggie shouted. Bertie drew his cutlass from his belt.

"En guard, you scurvy dog!"

The sound of ringing blades filled the island as the Pirate Captain met his challenge. ZING! CLINK! Back and forth they went! Steel clanging, sand flying, Bertie showing off his best footwork from his tap-dancing days until --

CLANG!

Bertie disarmed him!

"Ye've done me in, bird," said the Captain. He dropped to his knees before Bertie's blade.

Will the pirates surrender? Or does this mean war? Tune in next time ....

The Sand Pirates -- The Exciting Parts

2010-04-07T11:28:00.000-07:00

As the menacing Pirate Ship approached Polly Island, our heroes prepared to face a band of dangerous cutthroats!

"Hold your ground, men!" called Captain Reggie. "Don't let them smell fear!"

"Aye, aye, captain!" Polly Parrot brandished a tiny sword in one wing.

"Let 'em eat steel!" Bertie drew his sword in preparation as ...

THREE FIERCE PIRATES charged towards them, swords drawn!!!

Will our heroes survive this epic battle? Tune in next time for an all-new chapter of ... THE SAND PIRATES

The Sand Pirates Part Six

2010-04-01T11:25:00.000-07:00

When we last saw them, our heroes were pursuing two dangerous missions. One, finding the Lost Treasures of Long Ago and (2) saving Polly Island from an invasion of Fierce Pirates from somewhere out there.

"All right, men, you heard the narrator -- we've got two big tasks before us."

"According to this map, we follow the paces past the Big Black Rock to find the buried treasure. Then we'll dig it up --"

"And get run through with pirate swords," interrupted Reggie. "Look there!"

As the dark sails of a Pirate Ship appeared just off shore!

What will happen next? Will our heroes have a showdown with a mob of angry pirates? Tune in next time to finally see some action in ... THE SAND PIRATES!

The Sand Pirates Part Five

2010-03-29T11:23:00.000-07:00

As it just so happens, Pollygon Parrot can prove his story ... with a Secret Map showing the treasure's location.

"It's been in my family for years," he explained. "I never used it of course -- never needed to -- but now ..."

"If you had a map, what do you need us for?"

"Because the map's useless if the pirates find the treasure first. And they will, you know -- or cut open the one who does."

Captain Reggie steeled his gaze. "Fortunately," he replied, "we're Brave, Trustworthy, and Armed to the Teeth ---

well, most of us, anyway. And we'll never let those pirates invade Polly Island!"

Of course, that was before the ship slid into view behind our heroes ...

Will our heroes save the treasure of Polly Island? Or fall victim to the swords of invading Pirates? Stay tuned for the answers!

The Sand Pirates Part Four

2010-03-23T11:21:00.000-07:00

"Long ago, Polly Island played host to a secret pirate hideaway. The most nefarious names that sailed the seven seas sailed their boats to the shores of Polly Island to hide from the law. Redbeard, Captain Mann, The Black Dagger -- all manner of evil men crept ashore in the dead of night --"

"Great story, but what does that have to do with your problem?" Bertie interrupted.

Pollygon parrot shot him an impatient glance.

"It's the reason why pirates are here today -- they're searching for the Lost Treasures of Long Ago. No doubt buried here by visiting marauders."

"No problem!" said Gussie. "We're old pros at digging -- why, just yesterday we were constructing the Best Sandca--"

"Never mind that," Reggie interrupted. "What we need is a Treasure Map."

Does Polly Parrot have the Secret Map to the Lost Treasures of Long Ago concealed somewhere? Probably not, but tune in anyway for the next excitement installment of -- THE SAND PIRATES!

The Sand Pirates Part Three

2010-03-18T11:18:00.000-07:00

Polly Island, a remote sand beach somewhere in the middle of the ocean, is home to rocks, sand, and Pollygon Parrot the III who lives in a beach bungalow on its shores...

Steering along its shores is a ship manned by fearless Captain Reggie, who leads the World's Bravest Birds on an expedition to save Polly Island from its nefarious enemies.

"Be brave, boys; we'll need all our courage to confront a band of pirates! Keep your swords at the ready!"

He patted the helm of his trusty dagger as the trusty band displayed its prowess.

"Aye, aye, captain," said Bertie, brandishing his own blade. "I've got a cutlass in hand -- let them taste metal if they storm the shores!"

As for Gussie ...

"All I brought is this accordian."

Will it be enough to vanquish the pirates from Polly Island? Tune in soon for Act Four of THE SAND PIRATES!

The Sand Pirates Part Two

2010-03-15T11:16:00.000-07:00

While constructing the Best Ever Sandcastle along the shores of the beautiful blue ocean, our intrepid heroes were approached by a stranger. Possibly because they forgot to turn off their car lights, but more probably because their nearby schooner sported a banner reading "World's Bravest Birds".

"Hey, who dares approach our camp!" cried Reggie.

"Excuse me, but are you really the World's Bravest Birds?" asked the small parrot.

"Of course we are -- well, at least that's what our bumper sticker says."

"Good. Allow me to introduce myself --

And the parrot pulled a small card from beneath his wings."

"My name is Polly ... Pollygon Parrot the III, actually. Owner of Polly Island on a remote point of the coast ..."

"Sorry, we're not interested in a time share," said Reggie."

"But I'm not offering time shares," complained Polly. "I'm asking for help -- someone to save Polly Island from Pirates!"

Will our heroes find out what's behind this outrageous story? Tune in next time to find out!

The Sand Pirates Part One

2010-03-11T11:12:00.000-08:00

In a summer vacation near here (but a long time ago, so it doesn't matter), the fearless, intrepid Reggie led an expedition of brave souls to explore the coasts ...

including his cousin Bertie, armed and dangerous ...

... and Gussie, who was a little less intrepid than the rest.

Equipped with advanced digging tools and a mission, they set out to craft the Best Sandcastle Ever to prove their worth.

Events, however, were about to take a dramatic turn for our three heroes ...

Stay tuned for Part Two of .... THE SAND PIRATES!

A White Christmas and The Ravens (or in this case, some Crows)

2009-12-24T11:02:00.000-08:00

Special Bulletin from our Home Correspondent

2009-12-19T09:48:00.000-08:00

This just in, folks! New season of "A Crow's Life" begins in January!

Yes, that's right, you heard it here first, folks. In the meantime, enjoy a special Christmas Eve presentation right here from our fine entertainers! Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

A Little Holiday Cheer for You ...

2009-12-17T07:46:00.000-08:00

A Spooky Halloween Show

2009-10-31T00:01:00.000-07:00

The oh-so great Louis Armstrong contributes a jazzy little Halloween tune for us this week ...

Ace: Private Eye (or the Case of the Golden Osprey -- Final Chapter)

2009-10-27T10:46:00.000-07:00

All right, both of you keep your wings in the air. I don't want any sudden moves.

Unless you have a bottle of glue, you've got nothing for your client, Ace.

Not so fast, Professor. You see, that wasn't the real Golden Osprey!

What do you mean? I stole it myself from the museum --

Nope. You stole a fake that Mr. Lewtes donated to the museum. The real one was hidden here in his office all along --

-- behind this bird tapestry. That makes three little birds, right by the window -- just like the riddle says.

Looks like I've got that reward after all, boys.

(Narrator's Voice): "There it is, folks, another day in the life of Detective Art Ace, Private Eye. Tune in again for his thrilling, mysterious adventure in, Doberman Springs!"

2009-10-21T10:34:00.000-07:00

The professor had the drop on the hapless hooligan the moment he turned his back.

Good thing I brought this handy little revolver with me, Mr. Malloy. Now that I have my bird, I'll just be going.

Not so fast, Professor -- hands up!

I had the drop on him from behind, but the Professor was quick --

-- he scrambled like a shot towards the exit, clutching the Osprey.

Unfortunately, he'd forgotten about Malloy's cover until this moment.

AAAEEEIIIIAAAAA!!!!

CRACK!!!

Now all that was left of the Golden Osprey was in pieces on the floor.

2009-10-13T10:22:00.000-07:00

All right, hand it over, Professor!

It was the janitor, all right -- only without his costume, I recognized Tough Fingers Malloy, one of the sharpest birds on the street.

What makes you think I still have the Golden Osprey? I've given you every cent I have for the past two years --

Cut the crying and hand over the bird! I knows you got it, 'cause I've seen the riddle. Birds is birds, Professor "Plock". Now give it up or I'll --

All right, all right! Open the top drawer of the desk behind you. I hid it in there when I heard you come in -- hoping maybe I could talk you out of this.

Say, this is a pretty nice lookin' piece, Professor. It looks way better than in the paper's pictures after you pinched it from the museum.

It should, since I spent every day polishing it since then -- and it looks like I'll go on doing it!

Ace: Private Eye (or the Case of the Golden Osprey -- Part Seven)

2009-10-05T10:19:00.000-07:00

It was cold and raining outside the Lewtes building, where my client's father once had his office. I had a hunch that the professor was meeting someone here -- why else would he drop by at midnight?

All I could see through the window were two dark figures. That's when one of them pulled a weapon.

I didn't have a choice. I made for the nearest entrance, and ducked inside. Lightening flashed in the hallway as a peculiar sight greeted me...

A pile of cleaning supplies and a janitor's uniform.

2009-09-29T10:14:00.000-07:00

I took off on Monday to tail the professor for awhile. I was moving at my usual slow pace, until I heard a funny roar behind me.

That's when I looked back and saw a sinister fiend driving his car straight at me!

I scrambled hard as the maniac floored it --
The car squealed past as I leaped into a pile of garbage cans. There was no license plate to identify it...
Just a brief glimpse of a sinister dark figure hunched behind the wheel..

Ace: Private Eye (or the Case of the Golden Osprey -- Part Five)

2009-09-23T10:06:00.000-07:00

It's just nonsense words on a piece of paper -- rubbish! Are you a real detective or is this some sort of joke?

Maybe it is ...

Stop saying that! And get out of my museum before I call the police!

I can smell a dead end from a mile away, so I took my leave. In my office, I made a few phone calls, trying to check up on the professor.

Clean your office, Mr. X?

Sure, buddy.

The leads didn't pan out right away, but one of my stool pigeons told me he heard the professor was making regular payments to a suspicious character -- reason unknown. I clicked off the line. Just when I thought I was in the indigo of the blues ...

... I noticed the only part of my office the kid cleaned was the trash can -- empty of the note I showed to the professor.

2009-09-15T09:59:00.000-07:00

So I had a missing gold bird on my plate ...

... and one riddle scrawled in a book for a clue.

It wasn't much to go on, but I've gone with worse. So the first thing I did was pay a visit to the museum and the old bird in charge of the exhibit, a Professor Plock.

Yes, of course I remember the Osprey. Very valuable gold bird. Stolen in the middle of the night, as I recall -- thief presumably still at large.

Maybe. Maybe not. I've got a hunch that there's more to the story than just a thief strolling in off the streets one night.

Are you implying someone with the museum took it?

Maybe ... maybe not. Does this riddle mean anything to you?

We Interrupt This Story to Bring You --

2009-09-12T11:05:00.000-07:00

All right, boys and girls, here's another classic video (featuring again our fearless friend Felix as opposed to some cool crows). Another break from the world of feathers for the world of felines, as they say. Enjoy!

Ace: Private Eye (or the Case of the Golden Osprey -- Part Three)

2009-09-09T09:49:00.000-07:00

Her words hit me like a ton of bricks dumped in the river. A missing fortune was right up my alley after weeks of tailing cats and getting a bookseller out of a bind ...

Have you ever heard of it?

The Golden Osprey? Are you sure you don't mean the Maltese Falcon?

No, I mean the Golden Osprey -- it's famous, a museum piece that belonged to my late father. It's a bird statue made out of solid gold. My father was so afraid of losing it, he loaned it to a museum, who kept it behind bars --

--only to have a thief steal it one night while the museum was closed.

So what can I do to help?

You see, my father was obsessed with that bird -- for weeks over the theft he brooded in his library all alone. Weeks after his death, I found this in one of his books...

It's a riddle, but I think it's about the location of the stolen bird. I think he knew where it was, but couldn't rescue it. Mr. Ace, if you could help me find it --

Say no more, ma'am -- Detective Ace is on the case.

2009-09-04T09:38:00.000-07:00

I was sitting at my desk when the door swung open --

Excuse me, is this the office of world-famous anthropologist Dr. Kilgore?

Sorry, you're in the wrong story, mister -- try two door doors down for Kilgore.

Sorry, old chap, my mistake. I'll just be popping off, then.

As he closed the door behind him, I settled in for a long winter's nap, just as --

Mr. Ace? Excuse me for barging in, but I need your help.

What about, miss --

Miss Abigail Lewtes -- heir to the missing Golden Osprey fortune, Detective.

Ace: Private Eye (or the Case of the Golden Osprey -- Part One)

2009-08-31T09:29:00.000-07:00

It was a dark and foggy night, with rain drilling on me like marbles on a tin roof. My name's Ace. Art Ace.

I'm a detective, which is why I'm standing here in the rain under this streetlight ...

...watching a case go south across the street. But before I get too ahead of myself, maybe I should start back at the beginning.

It was a Tuesday in my office. Just like any other day until trouble walked in ...

Here's A Little Something New ...

2009-08-12T12:13:00.000-07:00

Hullo, boys and girls! It's time for one of Reggie's favorite videos...only this time instead of birds, we're featuring cats -- Felix the Cat, that is. Enjoy!

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Page Running ... The Startling Conclusion!

2009-08-09T11:50:00.000-07:00

How do I get out of this? Hello? Is anyone there?

That's when he realized: his only chance was to keep running until he ran out of story!

Say, that's brilliant! Onward, ho!

And so he ran, and ran ....

POOF!

Through the fairy tale book and into the next book on the shelf ...

POOF!

And the next ...

POOF!

... and the next ....

POOF!

Wait a minute -- what happens when I reach the end of the --

AAAAEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIEEEEE!!!!!!!

Stay tuned for the next adventure in --

* Bzz--Wha? What happened?

-- Reggie in a Book Bind!

Oh, shut up!

Page Running ... Part Six

2009-08-05T11:43:00.000-07:00

As Reggie flees through the forest in search of a way home ...

"Hey, would you shut up and help me out of this?"

... he passed through yet another chapter in the realm of classic fairy tales.

POOF!

Great.

2009-08-01T11:14:00.000-07:00

There weren't just one angry bear in the cottage. Rochester, the patriarch of the family was accompanied by his wife, Dolores ...

Who's that?? Is somebody narrating this thing ?!?
... and their darling Baby Bear.

What on earth are you doing in our home?

Look, I can explain ... of course you're a bit upset, seeing me here --

Who's been sleeping in our beds?

Who's been sampling our breakfast?

Who's been playing my accordian?

Wait a minute, Dad -- that's not part of the story.

It's not? Are you sure about that?

Positive, dear. As for the porridge and the beds, I think there's only one suspect in this room ...
...so I think there's only one thing to do --
AAAeeeeeeeeeiiiiiii!!!!!!!!

A Mystery in the Cottage ... Or Pagerunner, Part Four

2009-07-27T11:04:00.000-07:00

Maybe I'll just knock on the door and see who's home.

Hello? Anybody there?

Hmmmm.... I see three unmade beds --

-- and three bowls of porridge in various stages of consumption --

--- and one very, very angry bear.

Stay tuned for our next episode: Bears in the Bruin or Reggie's Reckless Ramble!

Page Running ... Part Three and Three-Quarters

2009-07-22T11:00:00.000-07:00

Let's see .... me in a polka-dot dress and blonde curls ...

... in the middle of the woods ....

As if that isn't enough --

-- the only sign of civilization is a tiny cottage dead ahead.

We Interupt This Story to Bring You --

2009-06-23T09:36:00.000-07:00
A smashing little video all about birds, cats, and World Domination. What could possibly be better in the middle of a story's crisis point?

name="allowFullScreen" value="true">

Page Running ...Part Three and a Half ....

2009-05-24T07:24:00.000-07:00

As Reggie flees through the forest ....

Faster....must run faster ....

He felt a strange and sudden sensation -- almost as if he --
Plop!

.... changed into someone else.

Uh-oh.

In Between Pages ... Part Three

2009-04-25T09:38:00.000-07:00

"Can I be of assistance, little lady?"

"Who are you?"

"Allow me to introduce myself: A. Wolfe, your helpful and colorful local wildlife."

"What do you mean by 'local wildlife'?"

"Here's my card."

"Now, would you be looking for Grandma's House? Or a nice little straw bungalow, perhaps?"
"AAEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!"

Where will Reggie end up? Who will he meet next? Stay tuned ... for Part Three: Pagerunner!

In Between Pages .... Part Two

2009-04-07T07:52:00.000-07:00

Where am I? I must've fallen asleep inside my book somehow!

...And unless I'm mistaken -- judging by this weird red cape I'm wearing...

...and the presence of all these woodland trees.....

Not to mention that basket of goodies over there on the ground....

I'VE TURNED INTO A FAIRY TALE!!!!!!!
"Well, well, if it isn't Little Red .... right on cue."
To Be Continued .............

In Between Pages (Part 1)

2009-03-23T10:14:00.000-07:00

"Yaaaawwwwwn..... let's see....where was I?..."

"Just as she entered the forest, she...she...mmblemblvn."

THUMP!

"Where am I?"

To Be Continued ......

Among Reggie's Favorite Things ...

2009-03-20T08:36:00.000-07:00
Who can resist a good bird film...especially one with such snazzy music????

Nest Know-How

2009-03-10T08:58:00.000-07:00

"No! Don't hang that photo!"

"I know, I know, me at Disneyland doesn't go with the Vermeer prints--"

"It's not that--there's a weak spot in the wall at that exact point."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure. There's also six knot holes under the wallpaper and a slight crosswire in the outlet..."

"How do you know all that?"

"Because I built this nest myself, Lionel. I know every last detail of the construction, right down to the number of tiles on the bathroom wall."
"You? Build a nest? Seriously?"
"I still can't believe you built a nest. Next you'll be telling us you did it all by yourself.""Which I did, smarty pants. It wasn't easy--I spent months studying the techniques in Nestbuilding School...

First there were months of intensive study of the principles behind nestbuilding--I was at the top of the class in nest theory, by the way.

Then came the courses in Advanced Nest Design, where we studied method--
"There are actually classes for designing nests?"
"Absolutely--after those, you move on to Drafting class...that's where you draw the blueprints, of course. Here's a bit of an old homework assignment--there's where I scribbled out my first idea--a bit ambitious, I felt. Oh, the hours I spent labouring over it...

...Last, but not least, my favorite: Construction Studies. I chose Sticklaying as my preferred medium--

"Sticklaying class? Is that like the Three Little Pigs?"
"I hardly think my hard works deserves comparison with pigs in a magical forest, thank you very much. But yes, it's sort of similar.

Graduation day I was thrilled to finally get my certificate. Here's the photo Mum snapped of me accepting the ol' diploma...

"And that's when you built this nest?"

"Of course. Now hand me that magnetic nail straightener in the drawer and I'll hang that picture."

Shooting the Rapids

2009-02-20T08:39:00.000-08:00

"Settle down, lads, it's story time....and no, it's not "Goldilocks" again. It just so happens to be a journal I kept from my youth as an explorer."

"An explorer? Like Christopher Columbus?"

"Well, more like Daniel Boone, actually...don't I look snazzy in that photo?"

"Anyway, I set out with only my coonskin cap and the bare necessities in supplies--"

"You mean you brought the accordian on a camping trip?"

"No I did not bring the accordian. I brought only the most vital supplies. And it wasn't a camping trip, it was an exploration of the wilderness--"

--via a handmade log raft I strung together out of pine trees and rope made from woven vines."

"Here's a little map--which I drew myself--showing you my path through the wilderness. Of course, it was a vast, uncharted wilderness...and there are a few parts missing which I discovered along the way, but didn't have time to add..."

"Like what? A treasure cave? Ancient ruins?"

"Well, not exactly. Anyhow, the first few days were idyllic. Poling my way along the river, mapping the terrain as I travelled. Rereading Huckleberry Finn by firelight in the evenings.

Of course, after a few days, needless to say, I was a little lost on a big river as of yet uncharted by any explorer. No civilization in sight, so when supplies ran low, I began to wonder how long I could live off the land--"

"Why didn't you stop to ask directions from someone?"

"There is no 'someone' in the middle of the wilderness, Lionel...this is uncharted territory we're talking about--"

"What about the animals? Weren't there bears or something? Why not ask the bears which way was civilization?

"There were no bears in sight--besides, I don't happen to speak Bruin, which meant even if I did meet one, they couldn't have told me that up ahead was a shortcut up ahead...

... in the form of a giant waterfall. Needless to say it was an exciting discovery for me--"

"I took a few minutes for reflection, once I reached the bottom of the river again. Of course, there was a little swim to shore..."

"...and a long hike home, Uncle Reggie?"

"I think that's enough about my adventure for now... it's bedtime for you three."

Among Reggie's Favorite Things ...

2009-02-18T08:23:00.000-08:00
More proof, my friends, that we crows possess superior intelligence ... move over, parrots!

The Tomb of Kartoch-Mohs

2009-01-27T12:14:00.000-08:00
On a trip to Cairo many years ago, under the scorching sun of Egypt we

(that's me--Reggie--and my three nephews)

saddled up our camels and rode west to see a pyramid newly-excavated. With my trusty translation guide for ancient Egyptian on hand, we packed a few tools and set out at dawn ....

"Suppose we pose for a photo in front of the pyramid?" said Lionel. "I brought my Polaroid camera and we promised Aunt Jean at least one good postcard photo."

"Good thinking," I responded. As we assembled for our little family photo, I glanced up into the doorway of the old pyramid. An ancient Egyptian inscription was carved there ...

"Great Scott! Do you realize where we are?" I exlaimed. "This is the tomb of the great pharaoh Kartoch-Mohs!"

"How on earth did you know that?" asked Larry.

"Simple," I replied. "It's in my translation guide -- page three, practice sentence five: Do not enter the tomb of Kartoch-Mohs. See for yourself." I handed him the book.

"Amazing! We come all the way to Egypt just to take a few simple photos and end up on the doorstep of one of the greatest legends of the ancient world -- let's go in and say hello!"

The doorway into the pyramid was a little blocked by sticky cobwebs, but we found a way in, past the giant watchful eye in the foyer (no doubt an ancient Egyptian 'welcome' sign). Down the winding dark passages we wandered, until we spotted a second inscription above a doorway.

"Say, according to the book, that's his resting place," said Lionel. "Either that, or it says his dog has fleas."

The ancient was room was empty, except for Egyptian signs on the wall ... and a gilded sarcophagus in the middle.

"Incredible," I breathed. "What does the guidebook say those signs mean?"
"Um, 'do not litter'," said Larry, checking the book. "What's say we take a peek inside?"
"And look at the mummy? I don't think so!" said Lester. "Didn't you watch the Late Night Horror Special last week? 'Attack of the Mutant Killer Mummies from Sphinxland?' "

"Ancient mummies don't pop out of their crypts like in the movies, Lester," I said sternly. "Besides, we have to take a photo -- your Aunt Jean will kill you if you come back with anything less than five superb photo postcards for her collection. Believe me, I know."

"Amazing, isn't it? The wonders of the ancient world right in front of us! The greatest and most terrible pharaoh of all of Egypt -- hand me that Polaroid, will you, Larry?"
"What's that on his head? A crown?" asked Lester.
"It's the ancient Serpent Jewel of the Pharaoh," I explained. "The rarest and most powerful symbol of royalty in all Egypt. There used a be a scepter to match, but it broke."
"Let's take a picture of that for Aunt Jean," said Lester. "I'll hold it while you take the photo."
"Aunt Jean will love this -- remember her photograph album devoted to the crown jewels of England?" I snapped the photo of Lester's pose just as I heard the rustling noise behind us ...
"AAAAIIIEeeeeeee!!" Larry's high-pitched squawk alarmed me -- I dropped the camera and turned to see ....
A REAL MUMMY EMERGE FROM THE SARCOPHAGUS! He staggered forward, lurching towards us with outstretched fingers and a terrible glare peering out from his bandages, ancient cobwebs trailing behind him.
"Quick!" I said, a bird of action despite the sudden squeak in my voice, "which one of you brought the machete?"
"Not me," said Larry, "I brought the camera and the map. Lionel was supposed to pack the machete."
"All I packed was an accordian," said Lionel.
We stumbled backwards as the mummy picked up speed -- and took off frantically down the nearest passageway.
"What does the guidebook say about this?" I shouted. Larry scanned the pages frantically.
"How about 'we come in peace?' " he offered. "Or 'where is the exit?' " That's when he lost hold of the guidebook -- which banged against the wall and narrowly missed the mummy. We dashed in the nearest room, searching for an exit.

"Wow, this must be the ancient Treasure Room," said Larry. "Maybe Aunt Jean would prefer a souvenir instead of more postcard pictures?"
"She'd better," I answered, "since I dropped the camera earlier." We heard the shuffling steps of the mummy in the hallway and took off running again, through the piles of gold coins and precious jewels. The mummy let out a terrible "RROOAARRRRR" as he spotted us again.
"Keep running!" I shouted. Ahead was a doorway carved with ancient Eygptian characters. I held the lantern up high to read them ...

"Quick!" I shouted, "through the doorway!" On the other side was a dark hallway with a glimmer of light.

As we dashed through it, we saw daylight peering through the cracks in an ancient doorway. In the distance behind us, we heard Kartoch-Mohs roar with disappointment.
Gasping for breath, Lionel asked "Why didn't he follow us?"
"Simple," I answered. "The inscription above the door says 'No Mummies Allowed Beyond This Point.' "

Who's On First?

2009-01-21T08:35:00.000-08:00

Greetings, everyone! It's our first post, so it's quite a honor to be the host of such an exciting event (as if they'd pick anyone else).

Of course, there was always the question of what adventures to share first ... the trip down the Nile ...

.... treasure hunting in the Far Islands ... a river rafting trip a la Tom Sawyer ...

So we decided not to begin this blog with any of them! That way, you can savor the anticipation for weeks, while waiting to see what happens next.

Just to keep you from getting bored, I've thrown in a photo of me dressed in a cape, intent on saving the world (much better than those dumb photos of cats on the other blog, right?)

Meanwhile, I'll be combing through my old journals, some photo albums, and a few memento boxes as I decide what adventure should be first on the blog ... maybe I'll tell you the story about the time the boys and I were lost in the jungle for a week ...